Hi, I’m Timi and delunna and QB and Sangga

I’ve organised a workshop for my company, Media Catalyst, which will address the theme of avatar societies. From 50 year olds to 10-year olds, it’s quite common these days to have one or even several digital identities. It varies by complexity depending on how active you are in the virtual worlds, or how much access you have to online systems. But in general, many of us are members of avatar societies, whether we are conscious of it or not. It’s not just gamers who are actively using avatars. If you’re a member of social networks like Flickr, Friendster, My Space, Facebook, last-fm, forums or even by using MSN or Yahoo Messenger, you’re participating in the formation and development of avatar societies.

Because of our upcoming workshop, I started to think just what kind of ‘avatars’ do I really use. Maybe not all would be considered avatars in the strictest sense of the word, but these are all definitely aspects of my identity:

> As a kid, I always signed my name along with a drawing of a cat. Up to this day, I draw this cat picture on frozen or misty windows in cars, bus stops, bathrooms and on the inside cover of my new books.

> As a student journalist in the university, I adopted the pseudonym, ‘delunna’. Originally, it was spelled ‘deluna’, then it became ‘delluna’ and because I couldn’t remember my password for one of my email accounts, I had to change my user name to ‘delunna ’and that’s how I use it up to this day.

> I used to sign political writings with a drawing of a quarter moon and a spear. The spear was inspired by freedom-fighters in the Philippines belonging to the indigenous peoples. The moon was a graphical representation of ‘luna’.

> In chat rooms in the late 90’s, I was ‘Boss Miawok’ (a male character), a direct reference to a popular Filipino comic strip figure of a mafia-type Mayor of Cats. I acted like the boss and other users would actually pay their respects to me by typing actions such as ‘bows’, ‘tips his hat off’, and the like. Before I knew it, I had my own minions and even my own trademark dessert became legendary: ‘Boss Miawok gives you choco-sardine mousse with crunchy cockroach bits sprinkles.’

> These days, I also use interchangeably photos of my cat, ‘winoli’, and the cartoon character ‘Pukka' and sometimes also a photo of the real me in social networks and presence websites like Flickr, Jaiku, Plazes, Facebook, Hi-5 and for communication interfaces like MSN, YM and Skype.

> My character in the Two Towers MUD (multi-user dungeon – a text based online game) was named ‘delunna’. Her description was a couple of text long plus an inventory of what she carried. Guess it worked to my advantage because other players were always offering to help me and give me free stuff. And yeah, this was how I met my husband ;-)

> My most advanced avatar would be my characters in role-playing games like ‘Oblivion’. Funny though, coz she (name is delunna, too) kinda looks androgynous. But anyway, my game characters almost always represent the ‘Libra’ in me. I can’t just belong to one race or just one profession. In Oblivion, I’m a mage who’s a warrior who’s a master thief that goes around in heavy armour. ;-)

Gods, avatars and me

After months of procrastination, I finally got around to read ‘Lord of Light’, an epic science fiction/fantasy novel by American writer, Roger Zelazny. The timing is good because this coming Friday, we’re having a workshop on Avatar Societies with Mark Meadows as guest lecturer.

‘Lord of Light’ (awarded the 1968 Hugo Award for Best Novel, and nominated for a Nebula Award in the same category) is about ‘gods’, their avatars and their epic battles, touching on many points of Hindu and Buddhist teachings. It’s set on a planet colonized by the remaining people of a destroyed "Urath", Earth. It’s a strange planet occupied by hostile indigenous race. To be able to survive, the crew of the ‘Star of India’ used chemical treatments, biofeedback and electronics to control their minds and manifest superhuman powers. They achieved near-immortality through reincarnation using the growth of new bodies and electronic mind transfer. So these ‘first peoples’ managed to continue controlling the planet by being birthed as different avatars.

An avatar in Hindu philosophy refers to the incarnation or bodily manifestation of a divine being, or the Supreme Being (God) onto planet Earth. The Sanskrit word avatāra-means "descent" (avatarati) and usually implies a deliberate descent into lower realms of existence for special purposes.In the world of information technology and interactive media, avatars most commonly refer to the representation of a user. At the very core, it uses an image or name or a combination of both, residing in an environment which usually allows interaction with other users.At least, that’s what I think.

What do you think? Did you ever stop to think how many ‘avatars’ or representatives of yourself is out there in the brave new world of interactive media?

finding you

sometimes, i lose myself
in the isles of your words
in them i am naked
to the turnings of seasons

as i trudge the desolate streets
of mornings awash
in tired bodies,
the burden of everyday living
pulling me to the ground,
a distinct awareness
surrounds me
and i am drawn to these byways
as if treading them
for the first time
your presence is unseen
but something familiar
amidst the maze
that helps me trace the path
to your endless shores
gleaming against a sky
cloaked in brooding

whether inside offices or restaurants,
during meetings trying to be coy
or tough, witty or quiet
anything that is laid on the table
can bring me to you
like the wind
chanting your name
for a moment
i slip out to meet you
between the words
and meanings
that bridge or sever us
from what is or what could be
and what could not

deep in thought
and heated arguments
with a cigarette heaving
in weariness
my thoughts fly to that secret
flame in your eyes
consumed, i burn with
the implacable fragrance
of your words

in dusky pubs where noise
and music announce
their kinship,
and memories pound hardest
on my skull,
or even during
the most innocent act
of throwing my head back
in laughter,
suddenly, your name
beckons me
and the tears well up
from hidden oceans,
rippling through spaces
that i seek when i need
to be quiet and still

etched on my furrowed brows
are eternal questions of the world --
who am i, where to go, and why
did the little boy on tv
who breathed poverty
only wished to taste meatloaf –
or of small things like
missing movies,
where to get the rent money,
or being lonely --

but remembering you smoothens
the creases of too much thinking.

my fingers travel along
my forehead down
the bridge of my nose,
pausing timidly
on the corners of my lips
like the shy light of younger days,
then delicately, i trace the outline
of your name

sometimes, when the pain swells
like a sea about to howl
its history
soundlessly, i call you
and the sea shudders with me
and i understand her
as i understand you
and why your words
are all i need
and why i am this way

in between moments
when i am truest to myself
and those when i cannot even
recognize the voice i hear
your words seep right through
these sheets of myself,
like rain they offer solace

for when i touch your words,
i touch the center
of my sorrow –
for i am of your words and your name
they are all i have of you

amidst the rage of twilight
and smoke of discontent
while stars and stones are hurled
against sister and brother
and fire devours those who are weak,
when eyes are pools of murky tears
and mouths are unmoving
and no longer can i breathe
the hatred of it all
i stagger, clutching this heart
broken again and again
into a thousand pieces,
i shut my eyes
surrendering to the void
of unknowing,
which carries me to your arms
i am filled with the strange comfort
in the bosom of your forest
where the wind, the leaves, the trees,
the lakes, the moon, the grass, the rocks
are all sad and kind
as they listen to my murmuring:

immortality in exchange
for a moment
to find you,
to be with
your name,
your words,
and the dream
behind those
words